depression

Take A Bullet

​Six months since you left
Said you were tired of being with me
Gave me a whole lot of reasons
Reasons I couldn’t fathom nor see

And so two years came to an abrupt end
Dreams smashed to smithereens
“Oh it wasn’t real love for you.
I was just being a stupid teen.”

You moved on with college and friends
Made a life out for yourself
Dumb me sat around moping
Pushed dreams and passions into shelves

Time and again I tried to climb the peak
Landslides kept pushing me down
I could never quite heal myself
Like happiness didn’t want to be found

How do you find it to move on
From the person you once lived your life for?
How do you heal from the hurt
When everything you love turned sour?

What was once beautiful white
Now a sickening shade of black
You might bring it to a dull gray
But the magic will never come back

Watching them moving on from you
While you’re still grieving
You do anything to stay sane
Anything you can do to keep breathing

Like a gunshot slamming into you
The reason for which you can’t quite figure
The person you’d take a bullet for
Is the one pulling the trigger

And you lie there bleeding
Bleeding heavily from the exit wound
Knowing your heart will never be the same
Praying God will take you soon
Picture Courtesy: http://www.gangstersout.blogspot.com

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The Road More Travelled By


God I can’t take it anymore
The burning inside my head
It’s eating me from the inside
Tears try in vain to quench

Everyday is a torture to pass through
Walking on searing hot coal
The pain has dimmed my senses
Gnawing away at my soul

But you have to hide the pain
Go and put on the anonymity mask
Lest be ostracized and put to shame
Why make difficult the arduous task?

There’s no choice but to move on
No hope of turning back
Trudge along until I reach the shore
Already stepped into the quicksand

Each day I ask myself
Will I ever feel less terrible?
I traded dreams for something I despise
In hopes of something now unattainable

I don’t know why I did it
Though at the time it made sense
I took the road more travelled by
And that has made all the difference

Picture Courtesy: http://www.jcstick.com.br

Dark Skies

​The sun shining through the leaves
Wind rustling the green trees
Birds flitting through the eaves
Could anyone a better morning see

Walking through the park
Soft grass beneath my feet
Like a rainbow you appeared
Was this coincidence or us destined to meet

Ten and four months ago
Had I last seen your face
Oh how did I think to let you leave
Think someone could fill that space

Sitting in the little cafe
Your fingers curled around a cup of coffee
The sight of you turned me breathless
How I wished your radiant smile turn on me

I took a tentative step forward
Hoping for the times of old
Memories we had, dreams yet to be
On your little laugh, I was long sold

Like a thunderbolt he appeared
Leather jacket, fair and handsome
The love in your eyes at his sight
My patched up heart came undone

You leaned deep into his kiss
Put his arms tight around did he
Oh how my heart burned when you looked at him
Because that was how you used to look at me

Picked you up and walked away
The happy couple and the sunset
How I wished my light would fade
How I longed for the chimes of death

Because I can’t stand the haunting dreams
Promises that turned out to be lies
There was nothing for me to live for
You darkened the cheerful skies

The Mask

Most places on Earth have cycles of alternation. Day and night. Sunshine and rain. Storms and tranquility. And no doubt, as we are a part of nature, so do we.

There come certain periods of darkness in a person’s life. Sometimes, so dense he can’t see two minutes into the future. And, being human, his first reaction is to find a cause to blame. Typical Adam and Eve. And more often than not, the cause is himself. So what’s the next move? Anger. Deep anger. Anger that results from the dense sadness lodged inside. Anger that’s so intense, it consumes him, fills every waking minute and the minutes asleep too. And try as he might, sometimes, it explodes. Fiery balls of flame that scorch the ones he loves dearly, though he may have never intended it that way. Anything and everything that makes them happy is a thorn in his side. And while he genuinely is happy for them, the tip of the iceberg looks much too forbidding for someone to venture beneath the surface.

At first, people ‘understand’. You’re going through a tough time, it’s hard etc. But sooner or later, they want the angry man to do something he knows he can’t. Move on.

After a while, the ‘understanding’ turns to scorn and repulsion. Soon, they rather not even stay in the same room as him. He loses the love and trust of those dear to him. Some leave with quite a nasty picture of him painted in their minds.
So where did he go wrong? After all, isn’t it natural for someone to go through bleak plateaus in their life and expect their loved one to hold their hand as they do?

He figured it out too late.

You’ve got to hide the anger. They expect you to shelve it and move on, yet you know you can’t. So, hide the anger. Practice smiling in a mirror, laughing, talking pleasant. Take care the raging blaze inside does not cast soot on what you wish to say about others.

But he figured it out too late. And by the time he did, he had lost everything he had. And had to live, consumed with regret.

He forgot to put on the mask.

Broken Hearted Man

He found himself phone in hand
Staring incessantly at the screen
His world had been yanked from down under
He had nothing on which to lean

Hands are unsteady, his legs weak
He stares blankly at the wall
Eyes so dark and empty
Devoid of anything at all

The world lost it’s charm
Colours faded into oblivion
Nothing will bring back the joy
No wise words, no incantation

Gone the echoes of rich laughter
Now replaced by a stony face
Love and affection, words forgotten
Lost in his sorrow, a thorny maze

People stare at him walk unshaven, disheveled
Thinking he’s part of a vagabond band
They don’t understand he’s not broke
He’s just a broken hearted man

Her coffee grew stone cold
As she waited for him to miss her
Cigarette stubs littered the ground
As he tried to forget her

Unsteady footsteps echo
The long, dark hallway
Clutching a bottle in his hand
Drags his feet and walks away

Mourning what could have been
Beyond any sort of repair broken
Because when two hearts break
They never break even

 

Picture Courtesy: http://www.blog.amightywind.com

The Price We Pay

That insatiable love
Heart of every romantic song
You seem to float on the wind
Surrounded by memories fond

Feels like it’s never going to end
Like a record on infinite repeat
You thought you would be the one
To complete the “impossible” feat

They whole-heartedly swear to you
They’ll always be by your side
If so, what else do you need?
You have someone to hold the light

Promise to stay no matter what
Would never bid goodbye
Yeah we swore on that day
We’d be friends until we die

And so you start your way
Traversing life’s every rocky path
With that little hand inside yours
Why be afraid of the dark?

Yet soon comes a day
When they start to fall behind
But you decide to let it be
To fatigue you consign

The harsh truth is unveiled
A bitter pill you must swallow
All the hopes and dreams smashed
Suddenly your heart feels hollow

Where once was pure love
Now is bitter hatred
You realize they’ve given up
Long has the adoration faded

Where once was soft caresses
They throw sticks and stones
Angry, spiteful words flow pell mell
Humiliate you, push you down below

You give it all you can do
To give them the old romance feel
You try to remind them of the perfection
Bring back the magic of what used to be

You pour your heart and soul
Sacrifice yourself each day
But when all’s said and done
Grief is the price for love we pay

 

Picture Courtesy: http://www.cdn.delgoo.ir

The Nights

What is it about the nights
That brings everything crashing down?
All feelings culminating to a peak
Tossing and pushing me about

The day goes smooth
Like a boat down a stream
No binds, no chains
Outright set free

Yet past dusk it looms
A large, overbearing shadow
Cloaking my mind in darkness
Running aground my canoe

I cannot run to escape
It tosses me to the ground
Blinds me, disorients me
Losing my perception and sound

I lie here petrified
Eyes painting the ceiling
For what it’s worth
I cannot figure out the meaning

Beware of the shadow
All those with this affliction accursed
For I say this to you
The nights are the worst

 

Picture Courtesy http://www.soundcloud.com